just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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