What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
