Just fell off a train. Bad.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
