I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
