I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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