Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i came on her dog
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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