Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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