wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
