No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
