They should really pass out barf bags in church
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
