I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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