White coat. Heels.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
