YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
