Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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