First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
