its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
