I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
