You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm passing your future prison.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
