You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
