Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
