In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You can't special order awesome
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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