I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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