I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
