I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
