Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
