I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
