it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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