i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
