Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
