She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
