party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
not ubering you a puppy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
