I cannot find my penis.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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