Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
