speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
