Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
