I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
