I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
