Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
