You work out of a Hotel?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
