I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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