Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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