it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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