I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
home. puking in laundry basket.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
