party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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