I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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