My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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