Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
