pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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