So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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