you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
