Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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