Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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